just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
