ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And then my night got REAL pukey
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize