If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
