My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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