did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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