Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
