Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i think i have two assholes
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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