I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
