He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
