I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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