i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
