I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
