dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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