I think my fart just growled at me.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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