thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just had sex bonerless
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
