Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
