I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
time to smoke my breakfast
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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