it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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