Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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