I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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