first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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