I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Welp...herpes.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize