I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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