remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
