you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize