turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
