I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
