You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
