There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
