i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
