remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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