If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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