Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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