i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
