Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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