she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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