He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
