Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
