I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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