Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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