you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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