My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
