I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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