3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
