I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize