you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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