oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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