Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
