He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
