i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
