I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
