when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
