im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize