and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
