You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
