I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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