so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
