Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He felt like a one man threesome
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
