If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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