Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
