How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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