I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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