I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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