So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
