Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
