So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
