I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
