i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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