Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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