they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
