you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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