i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have aggressive nipples.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
