He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
