shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
