I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
